Journal Entries of a Lovesick Fool or two
by Tigyr
Summary: Tim joins NCIS; what are the reactions of his two male teammates? Slight spoilers for all seasons up through six so far...This story may be considered slash...don't like...please don't waste your time reading
1. Chapter 1

Journal entries of a lovesick fool (or two)

Edited to hopefully make better sense...will focus on one writer this chapter and one on the next ^_^

**Bold= both **

_Italic= journal one_

_**Bold italic= journal two**_

- Chapter One

Journal entries of a lovesick fool (or two)

**_I can't believe it…I actually started, or I think I started to fall in love today_**_. _

_He's cute, well adorable might be a better word, with his bashful smile and deep green eyes. The way he looks at you and actually sees the real you. He's not like any man I've ever encountered. He's so much…more. He's quiet and shy and has absolutely no clue that I'm falling in love with him._

_I should have warned him about Abby and her dating habits. I think I tried, but like any typical male he had to find out on his own. Ahh, Tim why didn't you listen to me? I keep thinking I should tell him how I feel; that he needs to know that someone cares about him. Then I remember rule #12…never date a co-worker. I really want to burn that rule; after all, he and Abby dated. _

_Damn, he's so cute and so innocent. I'm not cute or innocent. I'm jaded; I'm not innocent…not anymore…not for the longest time now. I keep thinking and wondering about the rules; if I could dare break them. It could mean our careers if he even…if I dared to think that he might say yes. _

_Yet one look from those eyes and those tremulous lips! How I want to drown in those deep green orbs and lose myself drinking from his generous lips. He claims not to be a virgin but in some ways he is. He has to be in order to still be that naïve, that precious. Then comes the day that he's supposed to leave…the Yard, our team…me. _

**There's no mistaking the delight on his face when he's told **

**"You belong to me now!" **

**God I wanted to jump his bones then and there…rules be damned, I want…no I love Tim McGee…I just wish he could love me in return…**

Tony finishes his entry for the night and looks over surprised to see Gibbs still there. Usually by now that mysterious redhead has stopped and picked up the silver haired agent. Tony stretches as he turns his computer off and saunters over to where Gibbs finishes his own computer entry.

"Pack it in, Tony. We got the next few days off...make good use of them."

"Yes, boss. Boss?"

"He's ours now Tony. Just give him the time to get used to the idea."

A rare smile, a real smile crosses Tony DiNozzo's lips. Gibbs watches as his agent leaves, thinking about what or maybe who could have put the smile on Tony's face.

The lead agent of the MCRT glances briefly at his own journal entry and quickly shuts the folder before anyone else can read what he's written. He's never been one to wear his heart on his sleeve and he isn't about to start now.

**Several days later:**

_Damn, I hate it when I dream these days. The explicitness, the clarity, when I wake up it leaves me wanting more…wanting him more. I tried to ignore the first one, where I'd wake up, and his eyes were looking into mine, green eyes blinking the last vestiges of sleep away. The love I have for him mirrored in those expressive deep green orbs. _

_The problem is that he doesn't know the affect that he has on me. The way a mere look from him sends my heart beating faster. My mouth dries up and I find myself fumbling around like a lovesick puppy. ._

_Only the dreams get more intense the more I try to hold him at arms length. I can feel his body next to mine, entangled limbs and panting breaths as we love each other. Nips and tugs on pouty lips and tempting ears. Licks in the hollow of his throat, lavishing circles around his nipples. The moans that fill my ears come from both of our throats. He puts his hand around neck and pulls me closer for yet another soul-drugging kiss. _

_All he did was mention the word Trojans. Yeah I definitely wasn't thinking of Troy or college football games. I was thinking about how it'd feel to have him watch me with those wide green eyes as I slipped a condom on him. _

_Asking to touch me in return; if he can lick me like I've been doing to him and feeling the slight nip and lick as he eases his way down my chest, lightly running those callused fingertips over my abdomen. I never thought that I'd see the day when I considered a computer geek's hands as being sexy. He accidently tripped over his own two feet the other day and OMFG! The sensation those fingers created on my bare arm…_

_And I still wake up every morning cock at half mast. I tried to tell myself that it was typical morning wood; that it would go away after a cold shower. The only problem is that it doesn't go away as I remember the dream from the night before, suckling on those fingertips, nibbling on that neck, exploring a slightly fleshy body. _

**Years have passed since I last made an entry. We've lost a lot of good agents in the meantime. Chris Pacci, Paula Cassidy, Caitlin Todd…**

_Kate…the day we lost Kate we almost lost Tim too. Seeing the way Kate died all I could think was "Don't let Tim be dead too." Then when we saw the laptop and the bullet holes in the car…I was ashamed of the relief I felt that Tim was alive. As usual I covered up my relief with a smart-assed comment. _

_And then Ziva joined the team as well as Jenny Shepherd. That's when the dreams became even sweeter. No matter what I'd done in the past, I was still alive. The future wasn't set in stone after all; then I changed._

_I went undercover and nearly died; physically, mentally emotionally. And the worst part is that I couldn't confide in him. I couldn't ask him to hold me or be there for me. To love me when I was making it with Jeanne. _

_Eager, boyish, youthful they all describe him. So does bulldog, loyal and blind. Seriously he has blinkers on when it comes to Abby. I watch and cringe at the way she treats him some days. There is so much disdain in her eyes…has she figured it out? If so, it explains why she treats Tim differently than the rest of us. She never treats us the same way she treats Tim yet he keeps going back for more. Why? _

Tony sighs as he finishes yet another journal entry. This time he is alone as he leaves the bullpen.


	2. Chapter 2

Journal entries—Chapter 2

Yes I did keep some of the first chapter and put in this one...

**I can't believe it…I actually started, or I think I started to fall in love today. **

_**I don't dare tell him what with the don't ask, don't tell command these days. And yet he almost broke my heart when he started getting serious about Abby. I wanted to scream and stomp my feet in frustration. Instead I did nothing. I stood back and watched as she trampled on his feelings like they were so much dirt. And I still didn't tell him. I couldn't think of an easy way to approach him without it sounding cheap or sleazy. I wanted to tell him that I'd be there for him if he wanted to talk, or needed a shoulder to cry on. **_

_**He's had my heart since we first met at Norfolk and I tried so hard to avoid him; to stay away from that youthful face and body. I dated others, I slept with them…and yet none of them mattered…none of them were Tim. **_

_**But, oh how I wish I could ask him. I just want to hold him in my arms; feel his breath on my shoulder as we fall asleep in each others arms. Cold showers are getting to be part of my normal routine. I don't dare dream about a life with him. It could never happen. He's too…good, too clean, and too pure. I'm not…I'm unclean, and I haven't felt complete in years. **_

_**He stayed to fix the computers when he should have gone days earlier; back to Norfolk away from us…away from me. **_

**There's no mistaking the delight on his face when he's told**

"**You belong to me now!"**

**God I wanted to jump his bones then and there…rules be damned, I want…no I love Tim McGee…I just wish he could love me in return…**

Tony finishes his entry for the night and looks over surprised to see Gibbs still there. Usually by now that mysterious redhead has stopped and picked up the silver haired agent. Tony stretches as he turns his computer off and saunters over to where Gibbs finishes his own computer entry.

"Pack it in, Tony. We got the next few days off...make good use of them."

"Yes, boss. Boss?"

"He's ours now Tony. Just give him the time to get used to the idea."

A rare smile, a real smile crosses Tony DiNozzo's lips. Gibbs watches as his agent leaves, thinking about what or maybe who could have put the smile on Tony's face.

The lead agent of the MCRT glances briefly at his own journal entry and quickly shuts the folder before anyone else can read what he's written. He's never been one to wear his heart on his sleeve and he isn't about to start now.

**Several days later:**

_**The dreams started shortly after the first meeting. Since then, since he joined the team, they've increased in intensity…they've left me shouting his name when I wake lust clouding my vision. I just, I have to follow the rules. I can't allow myself to fall for him. **_

_**And so I hide, away from the eager person so willing to learn whatever I care to teach him. I turn away from those eyes, not wanting to see the disappointment when I can't let him close to me. I just…I can't. I can't afford to lose him, not like…not like I lost them. I won't let it happen. If I close myself off then I won't want him, want to hold him, want to love and be loved by him. **_

_**So I wake each morning each day proving harder to get through than the previous one. Every now and then he'll get his tongue between his teeth, and I can tell that he's really concentrating on something. His earnestness overwhelms me sometimes. I still remember with almost vivid clarity the day he'd been there fixing the computers. Just before he joined the team. He'd been on his hands and knees and as he peeked around the corner of the desk, then started walking on his knees I was as half mast just watching him come towards us. **_

_**Gently caressing the length of him and if his hands are any indicators of size, he's gonna be packing a good one. Oh to feel the weight of him in my palm as I suck on his neck; hitting that spot that turns him on. Hearing the small whimpers of need asking for more or better yet…**_

_**But what do I do? How do I keep my distance without hurting either one of us? And so I turn to the dreams. Dreams I look forward to almost as eagerly as he turns to me when I offer to teach him something new. The dreams take on a life of their own and I see those green eyes watching me as I gently taste his skin. Supple yet strong arms caressing me, holding me. A throaty voice calling out my name in desire. That same voice soft as a caress as he tells me a story while I drift off to sleep in his arms. **_

**Years have passed since I last made an entry. We've lost a lot of good agents in the meantime. Chris Pacci, Paula Cassidy, Caitlin Todd…**

_**I wanted so badly to pull him into my arms and reassure him that he'd done the best that he could instead I berated him about the rifle comment he made. The look in his eyes, the shadow upon seeing Kate's body. The fear, the hurt the uncertainty. It was almost as if Erin Kendall had died again. He'd written a personalized letter to Erin's parents. I wish he'd have helped me write the one to Kate's. **_

_**I ran away…away from Tim away from the dreams, away from my memories. No more masculine smiles or saucy replies. No more smirks as if he thought he could read my mind as easily as I could read his.**_

_**That Bitch! First she nearly gets Tony killed in her little vendetta, then she tries to send Tim in undercover as well. Thank God the kid had sense to come to me about it. I was afraid he wouldn't want to considering the way I treated him before I left. There is still so much trust in him, even now after all of these years. I don't know where he gets it, where the trust comes from. How he can trust after all we've been through; what I've put him through. **_

Up in MTAC, Tim signs off on his call to LA. He'd wanted to check on Callen so that Gibbs might get some sleep. Hearing that the other agent was back home and resting comfortably, Tim pulls out his cell phone and lets his boss know the good news.

After hanging up, Tim heads downstairs and seeing the light on over Tony's computer, he heads over to turn it off. As he does so, he starts reading the latest journal entry and smiles in quiet appreciation. Tony and Gibbs may not realize it, but Tim's been aware of their journal entries almost since day one. He figures that one day he'll tell them why he puts up with Abby, but for now he bides his time waiting for one of them to confront him with the truth of their feelings for him.


	3. Chapter 3

Journal Chapter 3

Tim's Computer Diary:

I read a journal entry today and was surprised at the emotion behind it. Actually it was two journal entries. Yet the way they read, the way one started and the other began it was as if they could read each other's minds.

I know that they've worked together for several years now. Ducky told me that when I joined the team Tony had been on it for almost three years. Which was fairly evident in the way they almost seemed to know each other's thoughts…or maybe it was just Gibbs being able to read Tony that well after such a long time.

I remember meeting them and being in slight awe at how well all three of them worked together. Gibbs, Tony and Kate were the top team at NCIS and they'd come down due to that body being found in the waste containers. My stomach still gets bilious when I think of that poor guy being killed and dumped to remove all traces of his identity.

I went to NCIS headquarters to file my report and while I was there, Director Morrow came up and asked my qualifications on computers. I told him and he smiled and told me to follow him up to his office. I admit to being intimidated by Director Morrow; and he was easily the most laid back of the three that I've worked with.

All that aside, while I was there, running the background checks I accidently typed in a word search and my name. To my surprise, there were two open files on me and so I dug deeper, not knowing at the time what I would find.

I was surprised to say the least. I wouldn't have thought that either man swung that way. Well, okay I could see it in Tony just by the way he couldn't resist making comments about my sexuality, but Gibbs? That was definitely a case of don't ask don't tell.

Just before joining the team for good I accidentally created a program to allow myself access to their journals from my home computer. I say accidentally because I really want to know what they are thinking and neither one of them are saying anything out loud. The frankness of both men, wow, it's enough to give me some hope that I still might be able to love someone and have them love me in return.

I would never have thought that my telling them about a computer Trojan would have that kind of effect. It completely blows my mind that they thought that about me. Wow…I just…wow…

The entries they both put in for when Kate died…I really wish that they'd come to me. I could have used the comfort…I think all three of us could have used some comfort at that time. But they both hid, not just from me, but from each other as well. Gibbs in his basement and Tony, I'm not sure just where Tony went during that time.

When Ziva first joined us I thought for sure that she and Tony would hook up. They seem to have similar personalities, but then I read Tony's journal entry and started wondering again…what would it be like to be held by him or Gibbs?

Then when Gibbs disappeared on us, I know that I was devastated. Tony looked like he'd lost his best friend. In a way, I think that he did. Once again I had to wonder if Tony and Gibbs had ever been an item. They didn't act like it, yet…there I go again, overanalyzing everything.

Then I read the entries stating their feelings when Tony was undercover. I almost called Tony to tell him that I would be willing to hug him…if he still wanted one.

When we went to LA and I saw the computer set up there, I admit to being like a kid in a candy store. I was in total awe of their system. When we got back to the Navy Yard and I couldn't stop talking about it, Gibbs said that he could always arrange a transfer if I was that interested. You could have heard a pin drop. Tony and Ziva just froze as they waited for my reply. That's when Gibbs got the call about Callen. That's when I knew that I couldn't leave…

Neither man is perfect. Tony still has to call me by the McNicknames and Gibbs…I don't know why he can't see that Abby isn't perfect. That she makes mistakes that cost the rest of us. Yet he won't see past whatever it is that blinds him to her little foibles. It's like …I don't know what it's like; when I read what he says about how Abby treats me and then how he's treated me…I want to confront him, but I'm not sure that he'd actually listen to me.

I've read their journals for over six years now and I'm still waiting for one of them, or even both of them to tell me to my face that they care; that the journal entries aren't another joke being put on at my expense.

###

Tim leans back to read what he's written so far. He nods in satisfaction and is about to continue when there's a knocking at the door. Opening it, he sees both Tony and Gibbs standing in the hallway.

"Hey guys."

"Hey Probie, we need to talk. Can we come in?"

Tim looks back at the computer but the screensaver has popped up and nothing he's written can be seen. He opens the door wider and lets them in.


	4. Chapter 4

_If you love something let it go _

_If it comes back it's yours_

_If it doesn't it never was…._

I always hated that poem…now I know why.

I … I wasn't too surprised to see my competition for Tim waiting for him outside of his apartment. I was surprised when he waved at me and asked me to come with him while he asked Tim to do something for him.

This can't be good, I thought and I was right. Tim was dressed in shorts and a t-shirt, obviously in a game or something for our day off. McMutt was still snoozing by the desk when I asked him if we could come in.

Tim glanced over his shoulder and for the first time in a long time I wondered if my probie actually had a girlfriend that he hasn't told us about. He then opened the door and the first thing I noticed was the difference in his furniture. This told me that I haven't been to his apartment in ages.

A small table and chairs are near the kitchen entrance and he's set up a smaller television with a sofa bed in the living room. On the pretext of using his bathroom, I noticed that the bed is still king-sized and so is the plasma on the wall. Walking back into the living room Tim asked Gibbs what we needed him to do on a Sunday morning. I used that as my cue to step in.

"I asked Gibbs about the files that Vance has been investigating and thought that maybe you could help us protect certain files that we don't want to be seen. Well, other than by one of the three of us that is."

Tim looks confused and I can't say as I blame him…it was a lousy excuse even by my standards. Luckily for me, the boss came to my rescue.

"Look, while you were in cybercrimes you were doing a lot of investigating into peoples personal folders. I know that Vance made you do it; now I'm asking that you make it so that no one else can access the private files that Tony and I don't want Vance to have access to."

"Oookay…uh, what exactly do you want me to do?"

"Look you're the McBrainiac when it comes to computers McGee. I have one file in particular that I really don't want anyone to read. It's that personal to me. If I have to have someone link to it, you two are the only ones that I'd trust not to share the information."

"Why?" The question came not from Tim but from Gibbs.

"Look boss, I love Abby like a sister, but she can't hold her tongue to save her life. Not when it comes to some of the things I have written. I wouldn't have put them on the computer but it was easier than trying to find a notebook. At least that's what I first thought and then when I found out about Vance having McGee investigate personal files I almost had a heart attack. As for Ziva, Abby may not be a ninja, but she's got some damn good skills when it comes to ferreting out information."

Gibbs nods in agreement to that thought. We both looked at McGee who was fidgeting nervously. Obviously he was not comfortable with the tone that I had been setting.

"Hey, probie, you I trust, and Gibbs I trust. I just don't want the wrong eyes seeing what I've written. It could end a few careers."

Tim's eyes widened and I could almost swear that I see Tim start to panic. Gibbs is immediately there; talking to Tim, holding him, telling him that it's going to be okay. His career isn't the one Tony is talking about. Tim calms down and all of us start to relax. I didn't know what to expect and wasn't ready for what Tim asked next.

"So, I'm supposed to create a program that is accessible only to the three of us, using a password that only the three of us will know, is that correct?"

"Kind of. Like I said I know that I have a file that I don't want anyone else to read. At least not yet…"

"Can you do it or not McGee?"

Tim stiffened and I could almost see the gears rolling as he stepped over to his computer desk.

"No, boss I can't…and for one good reason…I already accessed your files. I have them all on a secure drive. No one knows they are there or even what file to look for. Your secrets are still safe and they have been for years." Tim stalked off to the kitchen and I could see the boss was as stunned as I was.

Not looking at Gibbs I got off the sofa and followed Tim to the kitchen.

"How long have you known?"

"Since Norfolk…a few days after." He sighed and I pulled him into a loose armed hug.

"I didn't want to get you guys in trouble and Director Morrow was already doing discrete searches for someone even then. So I set up the accounts. You and Gibbs could access them, using the passwords you'd already set up. I then triggered the accounts so that if anyone else tried to sneak in, they'd get hit with a computerized virus."

"You've had our backs that long McGee? Then why put up with us?"

"Because your feelings are reciprocated Tony. I just wasn't sure that you guys weren't trying to play me for a fool. Especially the first few weeks I was on the team and you told the girls that I was gay. I thought for sure that you'd seen right through me and was telling me that there was no way in hell you would actually want me."

"What about Abby?"

"Do you really want to hear about Abby?"

"Yeah, _**I**_ do."

We both turned at Gibbs standing in the doorway. Tim slumped in his chair, so reminiscent of the old insecure Tim; the probie from those first few months. A soft slap brought his attention back to Gibbs.

"Talk to me."

Tim sat back in his chair and when he opened his eyes, the shadows of the past had darkened them to a deep forest green. I reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze hoping that he'd be able to draw some strength from me. Tim squeezed back and then let loose. Both barrels were blazing and by the time he was done Gibbs was pale with anger. I just wasn't sure who he was angry with; Tim, Abby or himself for not seeing Abby's treatment of Tim sooner.

"Why did you never tell me about this?"

Tim sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. "You never listened…not to me. You listen to Tony and Ziva, you even listen to Ducky and Palmer, but when it comes to me, you turn a deaf ear and I haven't learned enough Sign language to make you listen."

Gibbs started to protest but that's when I stepped in. "He's right…when it comes to Abby, you don't think straight whatsofuckingever. It's like you become not just blind but deaf as well. It was fine until Tim joined our team then the blinders came on. And Tim hadn't been out with her for almost two months by that time."

I had the grace to look down before staring at Tim. "She couldn't keep from telling me and Kate how you wanted to settle down and she didn't. She couldn't believe that you would want to settle for just one person seeing as how you were/are bi. I told her she was a damned fool for letting you go."

"You never said anything." His eyes are that soft leafy green and full of wonder that someone cared enough to have his back that long ago.

"Neither did you."

I stood up and walked over to his chair. Tim met me halfway and we exchanged our first kiss. I held him close for a few breathtaking seconds before looking up and over at Gibbs.

"Tim if you need me, you call me." I stared at Gibbs as I left the apartment and the man I love more than my life behind, "You hurt him, and Abby won't find enough left of you for evidence."

To my credit, I didn't slam the door on the way out. I managed to hold my emotions in check all the way home. I put a Magnum P.I. DVD on to play the instant I got home. Pizza and beer were my next purchases. Thank God for delivery guys.

I took a shower while waiting for my food and then I heard the knocking on the door. Wrapping a towel around my waist and rubbing my head with an extra towel, I opened the door…and nearly fainted.

"Can I come in?"

_A/N: She did it again…another freakin' cliffhanger…how absolutely mean of her…_

_For those who wonder, yes there is more of Rising Knights in the presses…I've got several things I want to do with the last chapters and want to make sure they come out right…_

_Thank you as always to those who can and do review…you really make my day ^_^_


	5. Chapter 5

Journal 5:

Tim's POV:

When Tony left, I almost started hyperventilating. I had told Gibbs everything that Abby has done and he still hadn't said anything.

"McGee, let's move into the living room."

That was a command that I could obey without question. Gibbs motioned for me to sit down and then sat down in my computer chair, pulling it forward to look me in the eyes.

"Why? Why didn't you slap some sense into me years ago?"

"I…can I say this without getting Gibbs-smacked?"

"No promises, but I'll try to restrain myself."

I looked at him, really looked at him as I said, "Why would you have to restrain yourself? I've done nothing wrong; unless it was keeping silent while you listened to Abby's version of things without seeing the truth in front of your eyes. I can truthfully think of one time…one… in the six years I've been on this team that I neglected to tell you the truth. Can you honestly say the same about any of my co-workers? Aside from Ducky and Jimmy?"

Gibbs had the grace to look down at his hands. I'd given him something to think about. That was a start I guess. Then he asked, "Why couldn't you come to me?"

"In regards to what?"

"Abby, the journal entries…us."

I had to strain to hear the last word. That's when I knew that regardless of anything else, his journal had been sincere. Then again, this is a man who's had so many of his loved ones hurt or killed that he's almost closed himself off from all emotion. That's why his journals had thrown me. He'd actually put his heart into the journals.

They hadn't sounded like him because he could reveal himself emotionally in the journals and not fear anyone reading them and hurting someone else that he cared about. He could hide in the journal and no one would ever be the wiser.

I reached out and touched his cheek. His silver blue eyes are full of doubt; something that I've never seen in all the years that I've worked with him.

"As far as Abby, we've already told you why; and the journals were part of da/dt…or so I thought."

"What about us?"

I sighed and wondered how to reply. "I can't lie to you. I'm torn between the two of you. You and Tony; I just…I'm not sure how to decide between you or if I even want to."

Confusion enters his eyes and I make him look at me by taking his chin in my hands.

"I want both of you. I have since day one but I'm not sure that any of us are ready for a threesome."

"So what are you proposing?"

"Time…to spend with both of you on a personal level. I want to find out what you look like in the mornings before you've had your coffee and shower. I want to see beyond Tony's movie quotes. I want to see if any of us are truly compatible with the other. Personally, I thought that you and Tony were an item when I first joined the team."

"Me…and DiNozzo?"

"Yeah, at that particular time I thought that the way you two seemed to gel that you actually were a couple."

I could see him tossing that idea through his mind and wondered if I'd just lost my only chance with this man. A soft slap brought my indignant gaze to his amused one. "I only use that to get your attention. You're the one who told me something I hadn't expected. Before any of us act on that though I will be doing this."

His lips were on mine before I could think or even move. At that close a range, it was easy to fall into his embrace and both of us welcomed it. Pulling back just a fraction, I looked into his silver blue eyes and saw a bit of the uncertainty that I was feeling echoed within.

"We need to talk to Tony; we need to see just what he thinks about us as a couple."

"I thought he just gave you up."

"No, he gave us a choice. I think it's time to let him decide if he really wants to watch us together or if he wants to be part of something more."

"What if I don't want to be part of something more?"

"That's a choice too, but I owe it to Tony to at least tell him the truth."

Disbelief, that I'd choose him over Tony, and I knew then that someone has hurt this man so deeply, that he himself doesn't think he's capable of being loved. I was telling the truth when I said that I wanted to tell Tony. But this time, I know what I'm going to tell him. Then Gibbs surprised me with yet another kiss and all thought dissipated for the next few minutes. Coming up for breath, I found that I was lying on the couch and Gibbs resting slightly on top of me. His breath was just as ragged as mine and I wondered where he got his lung power from when he said,

"Let's go tell DiNozzo."

"What exactly are we going to tell him?"

"That we all need time. And that he and I need to court you as Ducky would put it. You spend time with each of us and at the end of a specified time you make your decision."

"And if I would choose him?"

His eyes close as if in pain and I knew that he was afraid of that very thing happening.

"If you choose him," he inhales sharply, "then the better man has won."

I thought carefully about what I would say next and when his eyes brightened I knew that I'd said the right thing; "Are you two the only ones allowed to do the wooing?"

Which is why we ended up on Tony's doorstep not more than an hour after he'd left my apartment.

Tony's POV:

Tim was standing there with a steaming hot pizza. Behind him was Gibbs with a case of beer. Neither of them looked like they'd gotten past a kiss or two but I've been wrong before. I felt decidedly underdressed and ushered them into my apartment. I hurried into my bedroom and put on some sweats before sauntering back out.

Tim had found some paper plates and Gibbs was sitting down in the spare recliner sipping on a beer as he munched away on the pizza. Two more opened beers were waiting for me and Tim on the end tables near our normal seating arrangement. Mine was closer to the recliner and Tim's was on the same table putting him…closer to me.

Tim handed me my plate and brought his own and we all sat down to watch Magnum as he ran from Higgins, with Zeus and Apollo close on his heels. As the first episode dwindled, I paused the DVD and I turned to my two guests. Tim smiled as he said,

"We have a proposition for you."

"Your mission should you decide to accept it, is to woo McGee."

I couldn't help it; my mouth dropped at an actual television/movie quote from Gibbs. Then again, he was around during the original Mission Impossible television series era. A soft whap brought my attention back to the present.

"As I was saying you need to woo McGee; at the same time, he'll be wooing you."

Okay, that could be fun; but why didn't Tim come by himself to tell me? I looked up and saw that I was going to have competition for Tim's affections. Gibbs was nodding even as I was asking the question.

"Are you saying that you're-,"

"Going to be doing the same thing. At the end of a specified time, McGee will tell us which one he prefers."

I looked at Tim who if anything was looking even shyer than he had all those years ago. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

Tim looked at Gibbs who gave a slight nod. Tim then led me to the kitchen. Now I was starting to get scared.

"I wanted to come here tonight and first I was going to tell you that I'd chosen him, then I thought about it and realized that it wasn't fair to you. Then a really wild idea passed through my mind that we both vetoed…"

"A three-way?" I have to admit that idea had passed my own wicked thoughts a time or two.

"Uhh, yeah…and then Gibbs suggested the courtship. I—I really like both of you Tony and Gibbs thought this might be an easier way for all of us to tell who I should be with."

Tim's POV:

Tony mulled over what I'd told him and I scuffed my toe against his kitchen floor while he took the time to think about Gibbs proposition. Without warning I had Tony tasting the back of my throat with his tongue as he gave me our second kiss of the evening.

I admit I liked the taste of a pizza laced, beer soaked Italian. When he pulled back, he ran his tongue over his lips as if he could still taste me on them and gave me the wickedest smile I've ever seen.

Looping his arm through mine, he led me back to where Gibbs was waiting and held out his hand as he said,

"May the best man win."

_A/N: Chapter 6 will be up by this next weekend…I hope. ^_^_


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: When I first started this little story, I have to admit to being terrified. I'm not one who normally writes slash or even pre-slash and wasn't sure that I should continue it. I have had some wonderful comments and this chapter is one where all three men win. For those who don't want the threesome…check out parts two and three also known as chapters 7 and 8..._

Journal Finale : Part One: Tim/Tony/Gibbs

_This is written from Gibbs point of view: _

Tim did do something that first night that surprised all of us and made me so damn proud I wanted to burst. He said no; to both of us.

"Look, I need time to assimilate that you both want me as much as I want you. You both need time to figure out what you're going to do if I choose the other man."

Then he looked at me, and said in a soft, non threatening voice "And you need to decide if you could handle being in a threesome. Not merely a sexual situation though; a relationship that has three caring individuals in it. Because like it or not, we do care about you. You can wear blinders at work; but if we decide to become a true team; we need you here too."

He cleared his throat and then stated, "I want Monday, Wednesday with Tony and Tuesday, Thursday with Jethro."

"What about Friday, Saturday and Sunday?"

Tony's question was on my mind too.

"Fridays…I'd like to spend with our friends from work. We go out, have a drink or just spend time with Ziva, Abby, Ducky and Palmer. Saturday is time for the three of us to be with our families or whatever and Sunday is your day away from me."

Tony and I exchanged glances not sure what Tim was getting at.

"You two have a great relationship outside of work already. We've all seen it and acknowledge it. …Sundays are your chance to see if you want to develop it into something more…or if you want to just keep a quiet day with the two of you."

He looked at us before getting ready to leave. "I'll expect you both for brunch tomorrow. Eleven a.m. don't be late and don't bring any attitudes or I'll end the relationship then and there."

With a last kiss for both of us, he was gone.

Tony did manage one last quip of the night, one even I could relate to…"Who was that McMasked man?"

I walked out into the hallway and down to the car where Tim was waiting for me. I smiled as I saw that he'd forgotten we came together; in my car. He was slouched beside it, clearly wondering if he'd lost his ever loving mind.

"McGee!"

As usual, that brought him to attention and he gave me an embarrassed smile.

"Forgot my car is still at my place." His confession only endeared him more to me and I knew that no matter what happened, I'd always be able to have tonight.

"We have a couple of hours left in the day; your place or mine?"

He smiled fully and said, "Mine, I have to take Jethro out for a walk."

Which is exactly what we did. We arrived back at his apartment and he ran up the stairs and was back down with McMutt by his side before I could even get out of the car. I pulled on a pair of gloves and we walked in the cool air. I'd forgotten how much I liked walking with Shannon and told him so. He gave me one of his shy smiles as we walked.

Companionship, the first word that came into my mind as we walked that night. Something I haven't had since…God, since…well at least Hollis. I know that I'm a bastard when it comes to relationships, I only have to look at my dad to see what I've done by keeping my distance from him. Tim was right on that one too…Dad would love a visit every now and then; maybe not every weekend but once a month?

I could afford that; I found myself looking forward to talking to my Dad again. My relationship with Tony? Tony is the son I never had…the son I've always wanted…and I'm not sure I want to find out if we want to take it further. Tony and I have a good dynamic the way it stands…although if I end up with Tim it could strain the relationship…and that's why Tim was giving us Sundays. To explore and see what we wanted to do. Which brings me back to the man at my side.

"Why? You said that Sundays are for me and Tony yet you expect us both for brunch?"

"Wondered when you'd pick up on that…tomorrow will be the only exception to our dating game; so to speak. Monday I'll have my first night with Tony; no I don't expect to end up in bed with him or you during this time. This is our chance to find out what makes each other tick. So, tomorrow will be a brainstorming session between the three of us. What we expect the others to bring to the table so to speak."

I nodded, unable to speak past the lump in my throat. I've never been comfortable talking to people; even those I love.

"I'm not expecting a miracle here. I just want to know what you expect out of a relationship with me. If you expect me to help with the toys you make or the boats you build; if you like to cuddle by a fire on a cold winter's night or snuggle in bed with a good book and running your hand thru my hair."

Hearing the words, I could instantly see both scenarios maybe even on the same night.

"I'm not expecting more than you can give; I just want to know if you can receive what I have to give."

Huh?

"I'm not just an MIT/Johns Hopkins scholar; I like to walk my dog at night and work on crosswords every now and then. I like to cook for my family and friends. I still dabble in writing; I'm getting ready to publish again…don't worry not about the team this time."

He managed to duck a smack I playfully aimed his way. We continued walking and he said,

"You know, that this is the first thing you've done with me, outside of work since I joined your team?"

And I stopped then and there stunned by his matter of fact tone. I hadn't even thought about it. I've had this man on my team for over six years now, and he's never been to my home. Well, there was the one time that didn't really count. Tony's been to my place countless times; as have all the others, except for Palmer and Tim.

Which is why he never came to me about Abby; he couldn't…he didn't know where to go.

"Damn I'm an idiot."

"No, just human."

We continued walking and the silence wasn't awkward like I'd initially imagined it to be. We arrived at a small park and from the way Jethro started acting, he knew that he would be off the leash soon. Subtle tugs and soulful looks up at Tim who just smiled down in return and said "Soon." The dog is good for him, and I think he's good for the dog. Still surprising considering the events that brought them together.

I started shivering and Tim knew immediately what was wrong. He let the dog off his leash and threw a ball; at the same time he led me over to a bench. We were both sitting down when he pulled me close.

"I'm alive…thanks to some incredibly bad shooting." He smiles as he says it and I have to ask

"Nightmares?"

"Occasionally, okay every night for the first two weeks that he was forced on my doorstep."

I looked at him in alarm. Every night for two weeks, and he'd never said a word. Just came to work and did whatever I snapped at him to do. How had he gotten over it?

"I'm not over it…but he did help in an odd way. Usually a muzzle under my hand and some whimpering of his own. I think it was the one time that I slept on the floor. Killed my back but it kinda bonded the two of us; both suffering nightmares that is."

Another toss of the ball, and the dog is instantly dashing across the grass in pursuit. Hard to believe this is the same killer animal that almost took off Tim's arm and ravaged his neck.

"Scars?"

"Minor ones, thanks to Ducky and Palmer. When we get back home, I'll show you if you really want to see."

I did, but was afraid that if I saw the damage done, I wouldn't be able to stop touching him and he's already stated that he doesn't want to go to bed with us. When I explained it to him he just blushed at bit and nodded in understanding.

A few more minutes of playing with the dog and he gave a sharp whistle. Jethro immediately came to his side and waited patiently for the leash to be snapped back on his collar. We headed back to Tim's place.

Just outside the apartment door he unhooked the leash and unlocked the door; Jethro led the way inside heading immediately for his bowl of water. After shutting the door behind us, Tim took off his gloves and then turned to me engaging me in a deep kiss. When we broke apart he had a playful twinkle in those green eyes and said,

"No sex, but I won't mind some petting every now and then."

I was tempted to stay longer but he had given me a lot to think about. When a yawn threatened to split his face in two, I kissed him good night and walked out of the apartment my head spinning with everything I'd learned tonight.

Arriving back at my place, I wasn't really surprised to see Tony's car in the driveway. He knows, they all know that my door is always open and I went inside to find him in the basement, touching some of my chisels and sanding blocks.

"Oh hey boss that was an eye-opener wasn't it? Didn't know if I should expect you home tonight. I don't think I could have stayed away if it was me."

"He stated that he doesn't want sex during this next two months."

Tony looked at me and said, "So you didn't stay there and snuggle with him?"

I shook my head and Tony gave me a head smack; a soft one but I still glared at him.

"You idiot; I let you have tonight with him. Why didn't you take advantage of it?"

I stared at him and realized that I'd given up a prime opportunity. And yet the way Tim had stated that he expected us both for brunch; in my mind that had said that he didn't want company tonight. Besides he'd said as much when we were at Tony's. As I'm not one for explaining myself to anyone let alone DiNozzo, I ushered him upstairs and into the den. I stopped briefly in the kitchen to pull out two beers and handed one to Tony before sitting in my recliner and motioning for him to do the same.

Then I told Tony what Tim wanted of us on the morrow. I'll give him credit, Tony didn't run or anything. He just got a thoughtful look on his face especially when I brought up the fact that Tim while not wanting sex, at least not during the dating game, wouldn't be adverse to petting.

"That's gonna be a challenge. I've wanted to touch him for so long, I'm not sure that I could resist doing more."

"Now you know why I didn't stay longer. The temptation was there, but I know my limits."

Tony hung his head for a few seconds before admitting, "I'm jealous already…of the time you'll have with him. Time that I'll have to wonder what I need to do in order to win his affections."

I sighed and leaned back in my chair. I knew exactly what he meant and it scared me too. Neither of us said much more as the night passed and dawn began to break. Somewhere around three a.m. we both started to fall asleep. Tony on the sofa dropped off first. I draped my grandmother's afghan over him, to keep him warm and then headed to my bedroom where I fell asleep thinking about everything that had happened.

The smell of freshly brewing coffee woke me up the next morning and as I stretched I looked at the alarm clock. I couldn't believe my eyes when it said eight o'clock. I can't think of the last time I slept past seven a.m. Actually, yes I can; the time when I took McGee with me to LA. I almost lost him to the technology there and knew that I needed to talk to Leon about some upgrades in MTAC.

I headed for a shower and was soon enjoying hot water sloshing over my joints as I wondered what exactly the day ahead would entail. For the first time in a long time I was looking forward to what the day might reveal.

Downstairs, Tony was still in the kitchen sipping at his coffee and grimacing to himself at the taste. I couldn't help smiling at the sight and knew that Tim had been right in at least this aspect of mine and Tony's relationship; we are good company for each other. As if on cue Tony looked up and said, "Morning boss, coffee's hot if you want some."

"Thanks DiNozzo and there is some creamer in the fridge. It might help improve the taste."

Everyone knows that I take my coffee blacker than night and twice as strong. I wasn't surprised when Tony headed for the fridge and sighed his joy at the creamer. I'm not a total bastard; I know that others don't like their coffee as strong as I do. I also know that Tony prefers lattes but I don't plan on getting a machine just to suit DiNozzo. Which is why I buy creamer and keep it on hand for the days that he does come over…damn McGee am I that easy to read?

Tony stops my thoughts with a hand over mine. He shakes his head and says, "He's been part of our team for six years boss; he was able to anticipate some of my thoughts when you went to Mexico. That's our training at work. Training that we both gave him and that he utilizes when he needs to." Tony sighs as he continues, "which is probably why he wants to talk to both of us today. He wants to lay out ground rules for our romancing him."

I nod in agreement; after all that is what Tim had told me last night.

"So, no sex but we can touch…damn, the cold showers are going to be freezing by the time this is all said and done."

I couldn't help but smile at that. In a way, Tony's words echo my own thoughts. We've both hungered after Tim for so long that the next two months are going to be hell for all involved. And yet that quiver of anticipation is still running through me as we head over to Tim's in my car.

As we head up the stairs, towards Tim's apartment I can smell the freshly baked cinnamon rolls from the hallway and my stomach starts growling its approval. Tony starts rubbing his own tummy and we knock on the door. Tim peeks around the edge and smiles as he lets us in. I can tell that he's wearing sweats and not much more.

"Help yourselves to the rolls and coffee. I'll be out in a few minutes."

With that he's in his bedroom and the shower starts running. Neither Tony nor I dare enter the bedroom for fear of finding a naked Tim and wanting to pounce on him. A few minutes later we hear a "wurf…grr…" and then I know what he was doing…giving the dog a bath. Sure enough out comes Jethro and he's been towel dried. He comes into the living room and shakes himself all over, trying to get rid of the excess water. Tim smiles from the bedroom door. He's drenched from head to toe seemingly unaware of the emotions he's creating in me and Tony.

Tony is standing beside the kitchen table, a cinnamon roll halfway to his mouth as he watches McGee watch the dog. He swallows hard and turns toward the table in an effort to get himself under control. Tim smiles ruefully at his wet clothes then turns and goes back into the bedroom coming out this time in jeans and loose t-shirt.

"Sorry about that guys. It's another reason that I need Sundays off. Jethro gets his bath then and he tends to get a little messy. Takes me almost an hour to clean up after him."

He comes over and pours a cup of milk adding a touch of coffee to it. I have to laugh at Tony's expression. Then I taste the coffee and almost die from the perfection. Yeah, if the boys have learned nothing else, they've learned how to make the perfect cup of coffee.

After we're done eating Tim says that it's time for a walk and Tony and I look at each other.

"It's easier to talk sometimes if we're not surrounded by four walls."

Tim's explanation brings a nod from Tony, and I look at my youngest agent with a new respect. He does or is learning how to read people; at least me and Tony. He looks at the dog and says, "Get your leash." Immediately Jethro is bounding into the bedroom and back out with his leash in his mouth.

Tony smiles faintly as he too remembers the circumstances of Tim getting Jethro.

A few minutes later and we're all walking to the same park that Tim had taken me to the night before. As I have a faint inkling of what Tim wants to talk about I offer to take Jethro for a run while the other two discuss plans. Tim shakes his head and I wait in surprise.

"I made a decision last night; one that might cost all of us our jobs. Yet I've decided that you're both worth it."

That's when I knew. He couldn't choose between us. In his eyes we were equals and he would take us both in that respect.

"I want both of you. Tony you offered to give up your time with me and then Gibbs did the same by not staying the night. Both of you gave me the one thing I'd asked for."

Tony looked confused but I had an idea I knew what Tim was talking about and he confirmed it with his next words.

"You gave me time to think. That's all I wanted was a few hours to sort things out and you both let me have that with no qualms or issues."

He looked me in the eye and I knew then that he'd read me right from the start. I could have a relationship with him and Tony and be comfortable in my own shoes. I already was, and I hadn't realized it. Tony looked at us and softly said, "We all win?"

Tim nodded, "Yeah Tony we all win on this one."

Two months have passed, two almost blissful months of love and being loved. Tim had known from the start that Tony and I were heading for a deeper relationship and he wormed his way into our hearts without either of us being aware of it. There is no jealousy in our relationship. We told the girls as well as Ducky and Jimmy all of whom have rallied around us.

The days that Tim originally decreed as being either mine or Tony's…we've kept the Monday and Tuesday agreement. Those are the days that either Tim and Tony or Tim and I have time together, although we did switch it so that Tony and I could watch football together on Monday nights. Fridays are spent with our friends and the weekends are with our families. Jack is delighted to have not just one but three sons now and the McGees have welcomed Tony and myself with open arms.

As for rule 12…since I wrote them I guess I can break at least that one and have the time of my life doing so.

End


	7. Chapter 7

_from Tony's point of view_

Journal Finale: Part two: Tim/Tony

Sunday found me answering the door at an absurdly early hour…only nine a.m. and there's McSleepy knocking on my door. Thankfully I'd already had a cup of coffee and could hold a conversation for a few minutes anyway.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Can I crash here for a few minutes?"

"Umm yeah, sure."

I let him in and he stumbles into the bedroom. He's wearing just his sweats and a t-shirt and looks tot tally adorkable as he falls asleep in my bed. I sigh and prepare to go back to sleep out on the couch when he captures my hand and pulls it to his chest.

"Alright, I'll cuddle with you; but you better not tell anyone about this McSnuggly."

The next time I wake, I've got a pair of emerald green eyes staring into mine. A soft smile graces his face as he nuzzles my nose with his own. Those soft lips caressing mine, and I'm back in dreamland wondering when Gibbs is going to slap me awake. This is a dream I've never had about Tim McGee and I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts.

A few hours later and I have a heavy weight thrown across my chest. Tim's arm is holding me down and I smile at the faint possessiveness. I look at the pillow next to mine. His eyes are closed this time and I watch his face as I trail a finger down his nose and over his cheekbones. When I start to trace his lips, his mouth moves to capture my finger.

As I gently brush his bangs out of his face, his eyes slowly open and stare into mine.

"What are you doing in my bed?"

"Better question, McDreamy, what are you doing in mine?"

The gentle teasing has the opposite effect that I had hoped it would. He starts hyperventilating, scared that he's been sleepwalking and that I'm going to make fun of him for it.

"Tim! McGee! Snap out of it!"

I roll him onto his back and sit on his chest. He immediately shuts up and I carefully run my hand down his face.

"Are you okay now?

He nods and a slow blush starts at his collarbone and trails up to his cheeks.

"Hey, listen to me. I'm not mad at you and I'm sure as hell not going to tease you about this."

His gaze finally returns to mine. I ease off of him, making sure that he knows I'm not going to attack.

"Calm down. Now talk to me."

"I—I—I don't think I can."

"Sure you can. I'll make it easier for you."

He watches as I fluff up the pillows and place them against the headboard. Then I crawl behind him and pull him into my arms, holding him against my chest.

"Now, talk to me."

I've put his head next to my collarbone, so that I can still touch him without being menacing to him.

"Talk to me Tim. I'm listening."

"I'm not dreaming this Tony?"

"Nope, you're safe here. I've got you all snug in my arms in my bed. Where I've wanted you for years truth be told."

I can feel the smile in his touch as he shyly touches my chest then grabs my hand, lacing our fingers together.

"What's going through that computer brain of yours?"

"I was afraid that I was dreaming again. That I'd wake up and be in my computer chair or slumped on the couch. I'd have Jethro looking at me with worry in his big brown eyes and then I'd be feeling guilty over my dog."

"Where is McMutt anyway?"

"He's staying with Abby for the day. We share him on weekends; almost like shared custody."

I shake my head at the implications behind those words. I bring my free hand up to start caressing his face again. I don't want to admit it, but being here, just talking like this, cuddled together…I like it. I like holding him, caressing him and just listening to him as he rambles on.

"Tony?"

"Mmm, yeah, I like this."

Oh damn, I hadn't meant to tell him…not this soon into our relationship. Then again, I hadn't talked to Jeanne at all and look where that got me.

"Tell me about her?"

"I—damn, McGee…" When did he take up mind reading as a hobby?

"It's okay; I did read a bit in your journal about that time."

I look down into his eyes not wanting to see the censure that should be there; but this is McGee. My McGee looking up at me with a bit of worry; worry about me and what had happened while I was undercover as Jeanne's lover.

The concern, the love in those emerald green eyes was all I needed. For the first time in two years, I told him all about the fears I'd had; the love I'd really wanted; how trapped I felt. By the time I finished, our positions had reversed. He was holding me and I was the one sobbing against his chest.

I fell asleep again, this time with his hand caressing my face; wiping away the tears that the confession had wrought. Confession was the right word too; I was cleansing that time out of my soul by telling my story to the one person who I trusted to not tell anyone else.

When next I woke I was alone in my bed and I had to briefly wonder if I'd dreamt the whole thing. Then I saw the dent in my other pillow and heard the shower running. I dragged his pillow to me, breathing in his scent for the first time.

I didn't hear the shower turn off but when I looked up; there he was standing in the doorway, clad only in a towel and a smile as he looked at me; me holding his pillow in a death grip.

He came over and sat on the side of the bed and leaned down to give me our first morning kiss. He tasted like my toothpaste and freshly showered McGee. Whilst I'm sure that I probably tasted like a$$

"Italian, with a touch of coffee."

He really is starting to read my mind. I offer him some briefs out of my drawer and watch the blush starts up again. But he says nothing as he drops the towel and for the first time I see the tattoo on his butt cheek. It really does say "Mom" and is enclosed in a rose. I wonder about the significance of the rose as most people would have just put the word in a heart.

He's back beside me, pulling me into his arms as he says, "My real mom's name was Rose. She died when I was about six or seven. Dad remarried a year or so later and then Sarah came along."

I hadn't thought that his background could in any way be similar to mine considering how different we are. Yet his mom had died too? I guess the main difference there is that his dad stayed married to Sarah's mom and gave Tim a sister to put up with.

"He gave me a mom to love again; who then gave me sister to play with and love."

"Okay, you really have to stop reading my mind there Probie." I can feel the chuckle as he laughs and tilts my face up to his.

"Tony, I've read your journal for six years. I've worked side by side with you for just as long. This is just our first time learning to connect with each other."

He no sooner finishes that statement and his lips are on mine again, sealing our connection as he puts it. When my dazed and confused brain are functioning again, he's off in the kitchen puttering around making fresh coffee and dipping bread into some kind of batter.

"Go shower Tony and breakfast will be ready when you are."

"I thought that this would be considered brunch McGee." I was remembering a conversation we'd had years ago about breakfast lunch and brunch. He smiles at the memory and swats at my ass with a kitchen towel.

Coming out of the bedroom, freshly showered and wearing a pair of sweats I put my arms around him just as he puts the finishing touches on the French toast; the lightest sprinkling of powdered sugar possible.

"Mmm looks good, McGee; but I like the view I've had all morning even better."

As I whisper the words in his ear and capture his lips with my own I realize that I'm telling him the truth. I have enjoyed our morning together. We finish eating and he starts playing with the last bite on his plate. That's never a good sign where he's concerned. It means that he's starting to analyze and not liking what he's thinking.

"What's going on in that McBrainiac computer of yours?"

"I was just thinking that I really liked spending today with you. But to be fair, I need to spend some time with Gibbs next weekend."

Damn! I'd forgotten all about the competition Gibbs and I were in for Tim's affections. Obviously Tim hadn't and it was troubling him. I step around to his side of the table and turn his chair. I then kneel down and bring his gaze to mine.

"Hey, we all agreed to the courtship. That means that some weekends you're with me and some you're with him. The fact that you could be here today, this soon just says that you're willing to see what or where we can go together. I will admit that I was expecting you to be with him today."

"When he took me home he asked me to spend today with you. I guess that's why I thought I was dreaming earlier. I couldn't fathom why he'd tell me that unless he's already decided that he doesn't want me."

I can't imagine what Gibbs was thinking last night. I know I was thinking that I was an idiot; letting him have first dibs at Tim.

"Maybe he was just returning the favor…look Tim, Gibbs still has a lot of hang-ups when it comes to relationships. We both do for that matter. It's possible that he's thinking about all that you've told him. You and I both told him a lot last night; including the fact that you're interested in him in a romantic way and then you finally told him about Abby and how she treats you. You did tell him didn't you?"

"Yeah, you were there when I let him have it both barrels."

"So I was and that has to be coursing through his mind right about now. Or maybe it's why he wanted to think…he's probably going to be confronting Abbs about all this and didn't want you to be caught in the middle."

And that's exactly what it was. Gibbs called Tim not even an hour later and told Tim that he expected to see him bright and early next Sunday. I can't imagine what the boss has planned, I just hope that it's something special and in the meantime, I'm going to start seducing my probie.

Amazingly enough the dating game lasted for six months before Tim called time out. He asked for both me and Gibbs to meet him for Sunday brunch. During that time, I plied him with roses one day and some terrible poetry another. I could see the smile quirking his lips as he read the email that I'd sent him that had the poem on it. He sent me an email back and I laughed at the dorky face he put at the end.

Our Sundays together became a cuddle and movie-fest. We even managed to get Abby to give up her rights to Jethro on those days; so that he could watch the movie too. Ziva watched us and said nothing but I know that the ninja was suspicious of all our behavior. She confronted me one night, before one of my Sundays with Tim and told me that if I did anything to hurt him I'd find out what it felt like to die via paperclip. Made me wonder if there were unresolved feelings there too.

The amazing thing is that even with rule 12 we are the same; none of us react any differently in the field. I know for a fact that Gibbs made that rule due to things that had gone wrong between two agents. They had gotten so involved in each other that an op had gone south and one of the agents died while the other looked on in shocked horror and almost gotten killed too.

If anything this has bonded the three of us tighter than we were before. I'm just not sure what will happen if Tim decides that he wants one of us and not the other. So here we are, waiting at Tim's as he drops Jet off at Abby's for the day.

When he gets back he has a bag of groceries in his right hand and his keys in the other. Gibbs grabs the groceries while I take the keys and let Tim lead us inside. I can smell the coffee and know that Gibbs will want a fresh cup while we wait for Tim to finish up the meal.

It's a simple breakfast today; fresh fruits artfully arranged and some fresh muffins from the bakery. Tim actually treats himself to a muffin and is munching along with the rest of us as he grabs an orange slice.

He's clearly still thinking about his decision and my gut starts churning hoping that he's not going to say that he wants Gibbs more than me. Gibbs is veiling his own thoughts as he stares into his coffee cup, clearly we're both wondering which man won.

Tim clears his throat and we both look up at him; he ushers us into the living room and has us sit down on the couch.

"Before I tell you my decision I wanted to let you both know that I've never felt so loved and honored in my life. Not just to be wooed by one but both of you was more than I could have expected in a million years. But I made my choice and let me tell you that it's the hardest decision I've made since I graduated out of high school."

He kneels in front of both of us and looks Gibbs straight in the eye. "I'm sorry, but Tony's my choice. I could lie and say that I don't want you; but that would be a lie. The thing is, you still hide from me. The sad part is that I know why you hide and you won't try to overcome it. I can't live with that. I tried to, I really did but you won't let me in."

He gives Gibbs what has to be the tenderest kiss that I've ever been blessed to see and then hugs him with tears in his eyes. "I hope you find the person that can unlock your heart and make you see just how special a person you are Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Unfortunately, I'm not that person."

I'll give Gibbs his due…he stays there for several more seconds, gaining control of his emotions; ones I'm not sure he's aware that he has. He shakes my hand and gives Tim a quiet "Thank you." before he kisses Tim goodbye and leaves the apartment. Tim and I watch him leave from the window, making sure he makes it to his car before turning to each other. Tim caresses my face and we exchange our first kiss as an official couple.

That night, lying in bed, holding the man that I love I finally felt a sense of peace and happiness. I had taken the time to find love and he found me in return.


	8. Chapter 8

This is the final Journal entry and I have to dedicate it to Anastasia…just because I can

_This will be from either Gibbs or Tim's POV…depending on the situation_

Journal Entries—Finale: Part three: Gibbs/Tim

Tim's POV:

Oh my god oh my god oh my god…what have I done?

I looked at both Tony and Gibbs before getting ready to leave. "I'll expect you both for brunch tomorrow. Eleven a.m. don't be late and don't bring any attitudes or I'll end the relationship then and there."

With a last kiss for both of them I walked out of Tony's apartment and down the stairs.

I gave an ultimatum to not just my boss but my senior partner as well…I am so screwed.

I get downstairs and stare at Gibbs car in frustration. Damnit! I'd forgotten that we'd come over together to talk to Tony and now…I slump next to the wheel waiting for the axe to fall.

Soft footsteps and a not so quiet

"McGee!" brings me to my feet. I can't help the embarrassed flush that crosses my face or my own almost stuttered reply

"Forgot my car is still at my place."

My head is down and I don't see his expression as he unlocks the car and we get in; before he turns the key he says,

"There's a couple of hours left in the day; your place or mine?"

I don't dare to hope or wonder what that could mean. I smile as I tell him that I need to walk Jethro and he takes me back to my apartment. I'm opening the door and bolting up the stairs like a scared rabbit before Gibbs even has the car stopped. I've got my keys in the door and Jethro is looking at me like I've gone mad when I enter the apartment.

"Get your leash," I tell him as I pick up his favorite ball and a few treats. By the time we're back downstairs Gibbs is out of the car and pulling on some gloves.

I let Jethro lead us to his favorite park. Gibbs is telling me that he hasn't been out walking since Shannon and Kelly died. I flash him a quick smile, glad that he's starting to talk to me…to open up a bit about his past. Then he asks me

"Why? You said that Sundays are for me and Tony yet you expect us both for brunch?"

"Wondered when you'd pick up on that…tomorrow will be the only exception to our dating game; so to speak. Monday I'll have my first night with Tony; no I don't expect to end up in bed with him or you during this time. This is our chance to find out what makes each other tick. So, tomorrow will be a brainstorming session between the three of us. What we expect the others to bring to the table so to speak."

He nodded and I can tell that he's not someone who knows how to open up…maybe not even to those he loves. So I take a deep breath and tell him what I want out of our time together.

"I'm not expecting a miracle here. I just want to know what you expect out of a relationship with me. If you expect me to help with the toys you make or the boats you build; if you like to cuddle by a fire on a cold winter's night or snuggle in bed with a good book and running your hand thru my hair."

I can see a thoughtful look pass over his face and continue.

"I'm not expecting more than you can give; I just want to know if you can receive what I have to give."

That earns me one of his more endearing looks; one I've never seen him wear at work although I'm sure I have on many an occasion. It's one that clearly says,

HUH?

"I'm not just an MIT/Johns Hopkins scholar; I like to walk my dog at night and work on crosswords every now and then. I like to cook for my family and friends. I still dabble in writing; I'm getting ready to publish again…don't worry not about the team this time."

I duck his playfully aimed smack that was headed my way.

We laughed and kept walking then I said, "You know, that this is the first thing you've done with me, outside of work since I joined your team?"

He stopped in his tracks as if he couldn't believe what I'd just told him. I knew the exact second that it hit him as to why I've never come and talked to him.

"Damn I'm an idiot."

"No, just human."

The rest of walk was in silence, but it was still a companionable one. Jethro started getting restless once we got to the section that I normally play ball with him in.

"Soon," I tell him and he quiets down. I watch Gibbs out of the corner of my eye and slipping the leash off Jethro, I throw him the ball as I help his namesake to the closest bench. Gibbs is shivering and this time it's with delayed reaction not the cold and I pull him close. I try to make light of the situation that led to my gaining Jethro as a pet.

We both know that my aim at that time is the only thing that saved both me and Jethro. Then he asks me something I'm not expecting. He asks me if I had nightmares.

For the first time since I've met him I was tempted to lie to him, but I've never been able to lie to him. Not an out and out lie anyway.

"Occasionally." One raised eyebrow had me confessing, "Every night for the first two weeks."

Then I saw a second expression that I never want to see cross his face; horror. That I had faced it alone with only my tormentor for company. Only Jethro had been tormented by nightmares too.

"It bonded us in a weird sort of way… both suffering nightmares that is."

Jethro comes back and I throw his ball again…farther this time.

"Scars?"

"A few, not many thanks to Ducky and Palmer. I can show you when we get back to the apartment if you'd like."

He wants to, but then he remembers that I'd asked for no sex and tells me so. I can't help blushing as I nod in acceptance; I'd wanted to have him touch me at least for a few minutes…so that maybe I could get some sleep tonight. That's when I decided that tonight is my night. From everything I've learned over the years if I don't talk to Gibbs and show him what I want, then I might lose him.

I let Jethro play for a few more minutes then give a whistle that brings him immediately to my side. He's tired enough now that he stands docilely while I snap the leash on and pocket his ball.

The trip back is just as quiet as the one to the park; Jethro is panting a bit more due to his exertions. We get back and I let Jet off the leash where he immediately heads for his water dish. After drinking his fill he lies down on his bed and I turn to the other Jethro in the room. The door is shut and my hands are ungloved as I take his face in my hands and kiss him like I've wanted to for the last half hour. I can't help grinning at the dazed expression on his face as I say,

"No sex, but I won't mind some heavy petting now and then."

If I left it up to him, I know that he'd have left me, then and there to go and think about everything I've told him. I can't do that. I can't let him start thinking just yet, so I unbutton my shirt at my throat and pull his right hand up to where the scars are starting to fade.

"Touch me Jethro. Help make the nightmares go away."

My softly pleading confession brings his silver blue gaze up to mine. I hadn't meant to say that, but he needs to understand. I haven't slept a full night's sleep in over two years. Two years of hearing snarling barking, yelling and then silence after a gunshot. Of the accusations that followed me when Abby found out that I was the one who shot "that poor innocent animal." The humiliation of being called "Bad McGee!" followed by laughter and the antics of my teammates when Tony put in the Dogs Gone Wild DVD.

A touch, that's all I want. All I need to get to sleep tonight. And finally he does. I shiver when I feel the callused fingers touch my naked skin. My shirt is pushed off my shoulders as he examines the area that Jet had tried to ravage. Not just my neck, but my arm too. I feel his lips finally touch my heated skin; I let out a small sigh and he lightly taps me on the head.

"Why didn't you tell me, McGee?"

"You didn't listen."

Three little words stop him; make him think when nothing else has. It's true though and unfortunately, he knows I'm right.

I sit down on the couch, not sure what to do next; almost sure that he'll leave when I feel the cushion give way next to me and I'm pulled into his arms. I close my eyes, content for the moment to lie there, wrapped in his arms, his heartbeat under my ear. This is what I've wanted to do for two years; fall asleep, cradled in the arms of the one that I love.

Waking several hours later, I'm still in Gibbs arms. We are however, in my bed. I don't remember moving in here and wonder where he got the strength. I'm still not a lightweight no matter how much weight I've lost the past few years.

"You think too much Timmy. Go back to sleep."

The soft whisper against the top of my head makes me look up into sleepy blue eyes. His eyes are drooping closed again and I close my own as I snuggle closer to his warmth. His arms tighten around me and we go back to sleep.

When I wake the second time, he's still there; still holding me like he never wants to let me go. I have to admit, I could get way too fond of this. Waking up, before he does watching him sleep. I used to wonder if he ever slept; hearing Tony and Ziva talk over the years about the times that they've found him slaving away on this project or that boat.

I run my hand up his chest; feel the chest hairs that tickle my nose. My hand drifts down his arm, feeling the strength that is belied by his slender build. Touching his hand, I find my fingers intertwined with his and slowly, carefully look up at him.

"You keep that up and I won't promise that we wont have sex. A man, even one with my control has his limits."

"I'm sorry."

I start to roll out of bed, away from the closeness I've been savoring these last few hours. A heartfelt sigh and two strong arms wrap around me, pull me back against him as he strokes a hand down my face. I turn into that hand and he stares at me.

"Don't be sorry. I just need you to be aware of the consequences of your actions."

That's when he brings our hands down to where our groins are barely touching and I cant help blushing at the heated flesh I can feel rising to meet us. Blue eyes stare into mine, full of understanding and more.

"I've wanted you for a long time. You in my bed is one hell of a turn on. It's one reason I almost left you last night."

"Thank you for staying."

"Is that the first full night of sleep you've had since the attack?"

I nod as I try to duck away from him. He doesn't let me and lightly grips my chin making sure that I'm looking at him as he states,

"I haven't had a full night of sleep since Shannon and Kelly. Aside from when it was drug induced, I've never slept more than four hours. Tonight was the first time Tim."

That was enough for me to relax against him. I've never known this part of him; I never dug deep into Gibbs background. For me to do so, would have been an invasion of the man. For him to reveal that part of himself tells me that I have a chance with him. A chance to know the man behind the gruff ex-Marine who mainstreams coffee and delivers a wakeup call with a cuff to the back of our heads.

"So, what's for breakfast McGee?"

"Coffee?"

"Good answer, go make some while I take a quick shower."

I show him where towels are and hand him a spare set of sweats before heading to the kitchen. My hands are trembling when I finish. Reaction from everything that we've done in the last 24 hours. I sit down in the closest chair and cover my face with my hands. I don't feel him approach, but the hands on my shoulders tell me that he's there as does the soft caress on my hair and neck.

"Go hit the showers and then we'll talk."

I nodded and stood up. The hug that waited me was worth any temporary doubts I was having. I took my shower and then decided that Jethro needed his weekly bath too. But first I had to finish our brunch. I looked at the two Jethros and smiled.

"Hey boss, could you take Jet out for a quick walk? I need to finish making our brunch and it's easier if he's not underfoot."

A quick nod and soft whistle and the two Jethros are heading downstairs towards the park. I pull out the bread dough I thawed the night before and rolled it out on the floured table. Then I drizzled melted butter over the dough. Reaching into the cupboard, I pulled down the cinnamon and then pulled some brown sugar out of the fridge.

First I sprinkled on the cinnamon then crumbled the brown sugar on top. I took a few seconds to wash my hands after buttering the baking dish and sprinkling more brown sugar in the bottom of it. I rolled up the dough and pulled out my sharpest knife.

By the time the two Jethros returned, I had the rolls sitting under a damp tea towel as the oven warmed up. I started a fresh pot of coffee and then headed for the bathroom to get things ready for doggie Jethro's bath. Gibbs wandered in as I was putting our used towels into the tub that the dog wouldn't slip while I was bathing him.

"Hey, you want to help or stay dry?"

I smiled at the lost look in his eyes.

"I need to give Jethro his bath…do you want to help me or would you like to just sit and read the paper while I'm in here?"

"Paper."

"Should be waiting outside the door now. And if I'm not out in half an hour would you mind putting the rolls into the oven? They should be high enough by then."

With that I look at the other Jethro who slinks past us both with his ears flat against his head and his tail tucked. He knows when it's bath time and sulks until he's in the bath tub. Then he's all play. I know from experience that the bathroom will be soaked which is why I wanted to give Gibbs the choice of helping me or not. Bouncing German shepherd is almost like a Caf-Pow hyper Abby…dangerous in any circumstance.

The only thing I didn't do is lock the door. I'm so not used to having anyone there that it never occurred to me that Gibbs might actually be interested in what happens during Jethro's bath. So when the door opened and the dog raced for the door, Gibbs got full blast of the shower head.

That's when I heard it…laughter…a full-bellied deep gut laughter from Gibbs. I hastily turned off the water and looked at my normally immaculate boss. He was drenched head to toe with water. Not only had I gotten him, but when Jethro bolted for the door, he'd been shaking the water out of his fur and Gibbs got sprayed with that too.

Silver blue eyes laugh up into mine as I reach down to help him to his feet.

"I was going to ask about a timer for the rolls."

"I usually bake them for about a half hour or until they're golden brown." I'm handing him fresh towels as we talk and he rubs the water out of his silver hair. My mouth dries up as I watch him towel off. I haven't wanted anyone this much in my entire life.

Gibbs POV:

Knocking hadn't yielded any results and neither had shouting at the closed door so I opened it and got a full body slam of not merely wet dog but a fully drenched 70 lb German shepherd. When Tim turned he had the shower wand in his hand and it too sprayed right at me.

I couldn't help myself. The horror in those green eyes and just the situation in general, I had to laugh. Then the dog decided that I wasn't wet enough and started shaking the excess water out of his fur.

Tim has enough presence of mind to shut off the water before getting me soaked more than I already was. By this time I was in no condition to remember what I'd come in here to ask. Tim's emerald green eyes are full of mirth as he reaches down to help me off the floor and then I smell the rolls and ask him about the baking time.

Tim tells me that he normally bakes the rolls until they're golden brown and I do a quick flashback to my mother and the way she used to bake when Jack was at the store. It was always golden brown and half an hour.

Tim hands me a towel and as I take rub it over my hair I see the naked desire in his eyes. I'm not a man to look a gift horse in the mouth, and when I have that much temptation in front of me I take advantage of it.

Tim's POV:

Over the years I've watched Gibbs as he put the cuffs on a suspect or slapped his hand on the interrogation desk hard enough for the sound to bounce off the wall. I've never seen the predator look…until today.

With a pounce that would make any predatory cat proud, Gibbs had me pinned against the bedroom door. My hands were stretched above my head and his lips were ravaging mine like tomorrow would never come.

I look at him when we finally take a breath and he's the one trying to hide this time. I'm not going to let him and once I get the rolls out of the oven I turn to see him watching me wondering what I will do next.

Gibbs POV:

After pouncing on him in the bedroom, I realize that there is so much that I don't know about this man. But for the first time, I want to know who he is, what makes him tick, how can he have this much effect on me. I watch him as he leads the way out of the bedroom and casually takes the rolls out of the oven. I'm almost ready to leave when he asks me to stay.

Tim's POV:

I can see that he wants to bolt and I quietly say one word

"Stay."

That stops him as effectively as anything can. I look him in the eye and picking up my cell phone I hit Tony's number on the speed dial. He's a bit surprised when I tell him that he's still welcome to come over for brunch and that's when I know that Tony's aware that Gibbs spent the night.

"I'll be there in a few minutes Tim. Save me some food."

Gibbs sits on the couch, sipping at his coffee while I whip up homemade frosting for the rolls. Tony knocks and I nod at Gibbs to let him in. Tony knows immediately that the dynamic between Gibbs and myself has changed and I get a quick thumbs up as he saunters into the room.

For two months we continued our dating game. And then it happened; the one thing that finally put Gibbs into my life. I was attacked one night as I was leaving Gibbs' house. Ever since that Saturday when he spent the night, our nights had been spent at either my place or his, but always with Jethro.

This night was no exception and as we were leaving a shot rang out and once again I felt 70 lbs of dog hit me in the chest. But this time, I wasn't the one with the gun. And I wasn't the one with a bullet in him either. This time Jethro had saved my life. I could hear Gibbs on the phone to the police as he checked on me first and then the dog.

A second call this time to Palmer to check on Jethro. I was still winded from having the dog pounce on me. I was out of it for several minutes as the neighbors gathered round and helped find the perpetrator. All of them knew Gibbs and liked him as a neighbor; the man that shot me was a transient or so they said. The neighborhood watch had him in custody before Gibbs was finished with his phone calls.

Palmer arrived and with him was Abby. They had taken up bowling together and were just leaving the bowling alley when Palmer got the call. I was just getting to my feet when they arrived and the first thing Abby started doing was going off on me for not protecting the dog better. I sat back down as memories started flooding over me.

"Abbs, I think that's enough."

"It's not enough Gibbs. McGee never wanted Jethro and now he let him get shot. It's almost as bad as if he'd shot him again. Bad McGee!"

"Abby, enough. You weren't here. Jethro…"

"Is dying and it's all McGee's fault!"

"It is? How? You're the one who told him that he had to take the dog. You're the one who bullied him into it as I recall. Telling him that he couldn't fight fate?"

"Still he shouldn't have had Jethro out in such a rough neighborhood…he…Gibbs…this is your house. That's your car and…" Abby is almost white against her tattoos as she realizes that she'd almost accused Gibbs of hurting Jethro.

"And you need to leave as soon as Palmer finishes with Jethro."

I was still sitting there by the sidewalk when Palmer announced that Jethro just had flesh wound. I couldn't help flinching a bit when Gibbs knelt down beside me, concern in those silver blue orbs. I nodded when he softly asked if I could stand.

"It will probably sting a bit but here's some antiseptic for Jethro so that you can change his bandages later."

"Thanks Palmer, glad to know we can count on you for this as well as work related injuries."

"You're welcome Agent Gibbs. Is …is Tim all right?"

"He will be, once I get him home. Take Abbs home for me please."

"Yes sir."

Gibbs POV:

I waited until after Palmer and Abby left to check on Tim; I was afraid that if I checked any sooner, I might end up smacking Abby. To accuse Tim of hurting Jethro when the dog had been protecting his master…what was she thinking?

Then I looked at Tim and Jethro. Tim was stroking the dog's ears as he murmured something to him that I couldn't hear. For once I wanted to have the hearing they all accuse me of having so that I could hear what he was saying.

"Tim?" I was almost afraid that this would bring back the nightmares. Over the last two months, at least on the nights when he stayed with me, the nightmares seemed to stay away. I was dreading to find out if this meant he'd be plagued again.

"Come on, let's get you two inside."

Roberto Sanchez my newest neighbor, offers to help me get Tim inside and I'm grateful for the offer. Together we get him inside then I go back out for the dog and Roberto's son Rico is on the porch waiting for entry with Jethro in his arms.

"Thanks you guys, I'll take it from here."

The Sanchez men leave and I look at Tim. his eyes are closed and he's stroking Jethro's muzzle. Unbidden come the words of the first night we'd spent together when Tim described the nightmares the two of them shared: _usually a muzzle under my hand and some whimpering of his own. I think it was the one time that I slept on the floor. Killed my back but it kinda bonded the two of us; both suffering nightmares that is." _

Not this time; I went upstairs and pulled the pillows off the bed. If we were going to sleep on the floor then we'd at least be comfortable doing so. I turned at a sound and there was Tony, helping me remove the blankets. I smile at him and he returns the gesture as we head back downstairs.

Before too long I've got the spare mattress from the couch covered with the sheets and blankets I'd brought downstairs. Tony and I managed to coax Tim into lying on the makeshift bed and Jethro automatically shifted over to lie next to his master.

Tony and I head back to the kitchen and I ask him why he's there.

"Abbs."

I nod and turn my gaze back to the living room. I can feel Tony's questioning gaze and let my guard down long enough for him to see just what I'm feeling. Tony says nothing as he pats me on the shoulder and leaves saying,

"I don't mind losing to you boss."

I turn startled eyes to him and he shrugs, "Tim called off our dates before we ever got started. Said he didn't want to encourage me when he was already in love with you."

"This last two months?"

"Oh…well, he wanted you to get used to him being around more. I had Friday and Saturday."

The ones that Tim had decreed we spend with our friends. And Sundays?

"He loves you enough that he can share you with me at least once a week. His words, not mine."

Tony left after one last reminder, "You hurt him and I'll have the ninja kill you 18 different ways with a paperclip."

I went back to the man who wanted me enough, loved me enough to let me find my own way back into the world of the living. The one person who cared to look inside of Leroy Jethro Gibbs and find the man who had lost so much and still has so much left to give. I curl up behind him, gently place my arm around his waist and fall asleep thanking God for Tim McGee.

Tim's POV:

The breath on my shoulder, the weight of his arm at my waist and the general sense that all is right tells me that I was right to turn Tony down all those months ago. I'm in the arms of Leroy Jethro Gibbs the man I've loved since that first meeting at Norfolk; my dog is sleeping by my side…for the first time in years, my world is complete and I finally fall into a contented sleep.

Thank you as always for reading and reviewing...I hope to have a new chapter of Rising Knights up by the end of the weekend...operative word is hope...


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